I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
