I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
