One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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