Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
