after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
