somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
