Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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