im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize