I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
