Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
