I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
