Just fell off a train. Bad.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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