We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bring money and cleavage
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
