I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
