dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
