Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
