Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize