i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
