i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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