You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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