All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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