I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
