I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize