It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
