he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
