i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
