remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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