She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
