My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
