Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
