i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
3 2 1 whiskey
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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