Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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