and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Text me some of your sweat
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
