went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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