I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
