At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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