How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
