The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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