I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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