Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Girls should come with a carfax report
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
