I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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