Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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