it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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