If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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