just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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