just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
