Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
