She is in my trunk
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
