i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
