ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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