He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
