...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize