It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
