my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
