JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
