Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it glows. i had to have it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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