Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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