Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
