Will you blow on my dice?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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