pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
