Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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