i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i drank out of a bidet.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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