just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
