wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
