do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize