I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
