ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Soap is not a condiment
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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