you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
