when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
