Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
