I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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