I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
