I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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