dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
