My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
