i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
