Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
