i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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