so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this just has baby written all over it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
