This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
