Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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