So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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