I wish i was in the wii world.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
