Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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