It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
