omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
