We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
