Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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