A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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