I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
