You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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