i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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