I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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