What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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