I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
