i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize