I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
