last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
