i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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