Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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