I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize