Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
