they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
